Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
