This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
