He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
