Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
