Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
