You really coming over, don't trick.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
