know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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