I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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