Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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