Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
