Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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