:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
