he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
