is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
