So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i need some magic done to my vagina
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
