I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
