his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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