Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
a search helicopter?!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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