I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
