its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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