Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
