You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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