I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
