i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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