Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
