he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
