my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
