no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
