I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
