After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
