Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
