she was so not down for the gang bang
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
