I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
only if we run a train.
done.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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