There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
