So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
