Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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