Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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