Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
