lets start a swedish sibling band together
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
