He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
