Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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