so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
