READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
