goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I am morally bankrupt
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
