I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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