mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
