Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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