Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
