my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
