I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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