somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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