dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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