omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
