My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
