Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
