why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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