Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
