i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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