don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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