WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
