The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
