just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Randomize
