I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
