I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
God, I missed his penis.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
