called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
