He kissed a someone with a penis
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
