you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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