i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
